Email #3 –
A movie star enters the party:
strutting, cocky, head raised.
His manner shouts: "I'm great and we
all know it."
The room is silent with awe. Charisma!
Judaism calls this counterfeit
charisma. The movie star is totally dependent on external
factors over which he has no control. Without the adoring
fans, he has nothing.
The Torah teaches that the path to
genuine charisma is B'anava - "with humility."
Does humility really generate
charisma?! Don't we usually imagine the humble person as
meek, hunched over, and barely noticeable?
Let's define our terms. Humility is not
an inferiority complex or lack of self-esteem. Humility
means "living with the reality that nothing matters except
doing the right thing." The humble person is totally
dedicated to the pursuit of truth. And because his
self-esteem is not dependent on approval from others, he can
choose the right thing even when it's not popular or
politically correct.
An arrogant person, on the other hand,
is mostly concerned with his own ego, his own pride, his own
money. So even though he appears friendly and charming, he's
really manipulating things to suit his selfish needs.
"Arrogance" = I'm all that counts.
"Humility" = What's greater than me
counts.
TRANSCENDING THE PETTINESS
Despite his smooth exterior, the
arrogant person is, ironically, restrained and inhibited
from expressing his true self. How can he "be himself" when
he is constantly preoccupied with how he appears in the eyes
of others?
Humility is freedom. When you are only
concerned about truth, and living by it, then you are free
to express yourself in the most genuine and uninhibited way.
Your natural beauty shines through. That's real charisma!
The Torah tells us that the most humble
person of all time - Moses - was, not coincidentally, also
the most charismatic. As the teacher of Torah, Moses had a
quiet confidence in the justness of his cause. He could not
be rattled by rebels or complaints. And that's what earned
him the greatest respect.
With such genuine self-confidence, the
humble person has transcended the mundane pettiness of this
world. He doesn't have to answer every insult. He can rise
above arguments.
He knows his place, and helps others
find their place, too. He makes everyone feel important.
Because with the humble person, if others excel, there's no
jealousy or risk of ego crisis.
Have you ever met such a person? It
draws you like a magnet. Wouldn't you like some of that
charisma?
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Avrami Gross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Email #4 –
Our Sages of blessed of memory have taught us that man was
created for the sole purpose of rejoicing in G-d and
deriving pleasure from the splendor of His Presence.
These classical words from the pen of Rabbi Moshe Chaim
Luzatto seem to resonate with an experience that is not set
in this world and this time, but rather in the world to
come. However; Rabbi Nosson Zvi Finkel,
affectionately known to his students as the Alter, explains
that this statement is not only true for the world to come
but applies in this world as well.
This
world also allows us endless pleasures during our lifetimes
which have the potential to provide us with a seemingly
endless amount of joy and happiness.
If
this is the case then we should be in a constant state of
joy and blissful happiness.
As a matter
of fact, this conclusion seems to create a perplexing
problem.
Why is it that we do not find
more joy around us in everyday life?
Now,
it would be impressive at this point of the article to
provide some statistics and anecdotal evidence to support
the dismal level of joy people in North American currently
have in their lives.
However; this would
make this piece to long and boring for any body to read.
Therefore; let it suffice to say that anyone reading
this knows what I am talking about.
We
are not walking around in a constant state of joy because of
all the wonderful experiences that we have around us.
Is there anything can be done to remedy this ailment?
What our Sages indicate to us as the reason we do not
experience this great level of happiness is that we do not
sense the constant pleasures around us.
This comes from our constant exposure the world of pleasures
around us.
In my parents house there was
an old television set from the mid-1950s stored in the
attic.
If you were to turn it on, after
waiting an interminable amount of time, a fuzzy black and
white picture would emerge.
Now imagine
if that television was instantly replaced by a high
definition, flat screen plasma set.
Wouldn't the change in picture cause you to say wow!
Look at that.
However, after an
hour of watching the wow factor would begin to diminish
until it would dissipate entirely.
Every
part of the G-d's amazing creation (not that G-d needs my
approbation concerning His creation) is exactly the same
way. It is because our constant exposure
to it that we lose the feeling of wonder that this creation
can provide for us.
The good news is that we have within ourselves the capacity
to reignite that excitement and wonder over everything
around us.
This is why Our Sages gave us
Berachos (Blessings) over the pleasures that we experience
in this world.
If we focus our
thoughts on these pleasures when we are making the blessing
they we will make a bigger impact on us and we will enjoy
life more and more.
May we all merit that
we should appreciate and experience the joys and pleasures
that all of life has to offer.
Have a Good Shabbos!!
Rabbi Dovid Burger
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Email #5 –
In Pirkei Avos mishnah 6:6 the Mishnah lists one of
the ways in which Torah is acquired as "Mi'ut
Sechora" minimizing work. Rabbi Abraham
Twerski in his commentary on this Mishnah explains that the
Talmud tells us that the amount of money a person will earn
each year is determined on Rosh Hashanah while the amount of
spiritual growth that a person will attain is not
pre-determined. That being the case, it makes sense that one
should spend the greater part of his time pursuing the thing
in which you can make a difference.
In looking at this week's
Torah reading, Parshas Yisro, we can find this same idea
about moderation in work.
In the Ten Commandments we learn the laws of
Shabbos. We are told that we should only work six days a
week and "rest" on the seventh, just as G-d created the
world in six days and "rested" on the seventh day. In simple
terms, the idea is that we need limitations placed on our
working. If we worked 24/7 we would never have time to think
about anything. (This is the reason why Pharaoh increased
the Jews' workload when Moshe asked him to free the slaves.)
Shabbos creates an official "time-out" to allow us to focus
on what really matters. It allows us to spend time and
develop stronger relationships with those who are most
important to us, our friends, our families and G-d.
We also see this idea
reflected in the description of the collecting of the manna
that G-d miraculously sent to provide food for the people.
The Torah relates that no matter how hard one worked at
collecting the manna, they all ended up with an equal
amount. This is a tremendous lesson about G-d's providence
and the emphasis one should place on working harder to earn
even more money. The manna taught us that G-d has determined
how much you will end up with. Yes, everyone is required to
put in an effort in order to earn a living, however, we
should not make the mistake of thinking that it is within
our own power to determine the end result. It is our
responsibility to do what is necessary; it is G-d's
responsibility to provide the outcome.
Wishing you a meaningful and
relaxing Shabbos,
Rabbi Zischa Shaps
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Email #6 –
Tool number 6 in our 18 tools of
Highly Effective Jewish Living is “Face the World with a
Smile”.
Shammai in Mishna 1:15 of Pirkei
Avot (Ethics of the Sages) tells us: “Greet all people
with a cheerful countenance.” In other words “Face the
World with a smile. "
One might think that a truly holy
and spiritual person might be too focused on esoteric
matters to be aware of the people around him. But our
great Sages taught the exact opposite, that someone who
behaves in a G-dly fashion will greet others with the warmth
of a glowing face, a welcoming smile.
The great Mussar Educator, Rabbi Yisroel Salanter
(1810-1883) met a very serious man on the way to services
for Kol Nidre Prayers on the eve of Yom Kippur. Rabbi
Salanter greeted the man, but the man was absorbed in his
thoughts, perhaps about awesomeness of Yom Kippur. He
did not respond. R’ Yisroel, using a teachable moment,
said to his students, “Why must I suffer from this
gentleman’s preoccupation with the Day of Judgment?”
Our thoughts and feelings belong to us, but our faces are
public property.
Rabbi Salanter’s realization that a person could be Jewishly
knowledgeable and still miss the point inspired him to start
the Mussar Movement.
The Medrash Shmuel writes that a
person is not always blessed with the financial means to be
charitable. Many times we come in contact with people
that we want to help, but don’t have the ability to do so.
However, everyone can give the gift of a smiling face to
others. Often warmth and sincere concern can mean more
than other types of assistance. One way to develop
this tool is to concentrate on the idea that each person,
even those we don’t like, was created in the image of G-d.
When we focus on the G-dly soul within each person, we can
overcome the barriers that separate us and greet each person
with sincerely positive emotion. At the end of the
day, every person wants to be respected and treated with
warmth. A smile is a great place to start.
Shabbat Shalom,
Lauren Shaps
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Email #7 – Become a Giver
A Rabbi was visiting a relative's
grave site in Poland. On his way out, he happened
to notice two neighbouring headstones, on one headstone was
written "Her palm she offers to the poor man", and on the
other "and her hand she extends to the destitute" (a verse
in Proverbs 31, part of Eshet
Chayil - A
Woman of Valor, said on Friday night). After some research
into why a verse typically ascribed to women was on two
brothers' headstones, he heard the following story: These
two brothers were originally extremely wealthy, but lost all
their money. As they were extremely generous, they asked
their Rabbi why they deserved to lose their money. He
answered them it was because they were TOO generous.
(According to Jewish law, a person should not spend more
than one fifth of their income on charity. It is
irresponsible, as it can cause the giver to become poor,
thus making him an additional burden on the community) Some
time later, a poor person came to their door. Extremely
upset that they couldn't give anything, they searched their
house, and finally discovered a small silver spoon. Dividing
it in two pieces, one gave him the bowl of the spoon, and
the other gave him the handle. (The Hebrew word for palm is
the same as the one for bowl, and the Hebrew word for hand
is the same word as for handle). Although they had taken the
concept of giving too an extreme that was potentially self
destructive, these two brothers epitomized the definition of
"Givers".
So, how does one become a giver?
The Talmud states that if a person has $100, it is better to
give $1 to one hundred poor people, rather than give $100
to one poor person, so that a person can get himself used to
giving. The point of giving is to make the giver a better
person. It is not just for the sake of the poor person.
Hashem doesn't need the rich person to support the poor
person, he can take care of the poor person by Himself.
Rather Hashem wants to give people the opportunity to give.
He wants to create opportunities for a person to grow. The
more times a person gives, the more his nature will become
that of a giving person.
This week's portion teaches us the amazing idea that we can
make everyday things and possessions holy by using them for
a higher purpose. In the Tabernacle, gold, silver and other
materials were made into the holy utensils which helped
people feel closer to God. So too, we can make our own
possessions holy by using them to do good.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Avrami Gross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Email #8 – Attain Peace of Mind
There is an old story about a young university student who
leaves school because he does not feel that he has found
himself.
He decides to take a trip around
the world in order to inspect different cultures to see what
may be appealing to him in his quest for self definition.
After a while he ventures to the countries of the
east where he becomes fascinated with a certain eastern
sect. After several months of study
there, he feels it is time for him to meet the leader of the
sect. After being rebuffed several times
he is told that he may have an audience with the head of the
sect. When the appointed time comes he is
shown into a room with a light at its center.
In the lighted area sits a figure on the floor in
deep contemplation.
With great
trepidation the student slowly approaches when suddenly the
figure looks up and says, “Moishey come home.”
The verse in Psalms, “the commandments of G-d are just and
make the heart happy.”
Why is it that they make the heart
happy?
The Ibn Ezra comments that if you
look in the first part of the verse you will see why.
The Pasuk uses the word “Pekudim” instead of
“Mitzvot” for commandments.
“Pekudim”
usually refers to things that are deposited like a deposit
in a bank.
The verse uses this term in
order to teach us that the commandments of G-d are actually
deposited within us and therefore are a part of us.
This result is that the closer that we come to G-d’s
Torah and Commandments the more in harmony we are with
ourselves and the happier we are.
When we think of attaining peace of mind usually we think of
going away from where we are in order to find it.
In fact as the Pasuk illustrates what we are looking
for is found right here in our backyard.
To attain peace of mind we must be at harmony with ourselves
and to achieve harmony we must be able to be in touch with
what is at our core.
King David in his
book of Psalms educates us where to look in order to attain
this harmony.
Shabbat Shalom and Happy Purim,
Rabbi Dovid Burger
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Email #9 –
Learn In Order To Do
There are numerous places in Pirkei Avos that
indicate that actions are more important than study. Yet we
are also taught that the study of Torah is paramount. This
is stated in our morning prayers when we follow the
blessings with a selection from the Mishnah and the Talmud.
The Talmudic statement lists a number of Mitzvos and
concludes “but the study of Torah equals them all”. How do
we reconcile these concepts?
In order to understand this properly, we must first
understand what it is that we are learning and what it is
that we are doing. The Torah is the word of G-d. It is the
wisdom of G-d and the way to know Him. It is also the
blueprint for how one leads a meaningful and fulfilling life
that brings one closer to G-d and to G-dliness. The study of
Torah allows us to gain a greater understanding of what G-d
wants from us and what the “ways of G-d” are. Performance of
Mitzvos allows us to translate the ideals that we have
learned into action. But it does much more than that. It is
through the action of the Mitzvos that we change and improve
ourselves. Actions form the basis of our beings. We are what
we do, not what we admit to intellectually. The performance
of Mitzvos creates a change to our inner selves. When one
gives charity even though they don’t feel the empathy for
the recipient, it slowly changes the person into a giver and
they become more empathetic.
When the Talmud states that the study of Torah
equals them all it refers to studying with a higher purpose.
Not only does it mean studying with the goal of fulfilling
the mitzvos that you are learning but it goes even further
than this. It implies studying in order to change oneself.
It means being open to the Torah and its teachings and being
ready to be moved and inspired. The Torah -- even areas with
little practical relevance -- has an effect on a person who
is ready to integrate its teachings. The highest goal in
studying is not only to observe the commandments. It is to
become different: a more sanctified and inspired human
being. One who studies to do, wants more than to understand
clearly. He wants to incorporate and make the Torah's
lessons a part of his life. He wants the Torah to enter his
psyche and change his nature.
The one who studies to do will not only understand
intellectually but more importantly will live and feel as
well. This is the real secret to Jewish continuity. It is
this passion that is transmitted to our children, students
and friends that will have a lasting effect on them and
encourage them to follow in the path of Hashem and the
Torah.
Have a wonderful Shabbos
Rabbi Zischa Shaps
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
E-mail #10
CULTIVATE GRATITUDE
Attitude of Gratitude.
This week's tool
is Tool #10 - Cultivate Gratitude. In Hebrew we call
gratitude, "hakarat
hatov", to recognize the good.
In Jewish life, thought, practice, we are reminded over and
over about the importance of recognizing the good that comes
our way. Research supports this message and
shows that that there is a direct correlation between
gratitude and happiness. As we are taught in
Pirkei Avot, Ethics of the Sages, compiled 2,000 years ago,
"Who is wealthy? The one who is happy with what he has."
Our society and certainly our economy runs on
inducing a sense of lack in people. There will
always be something that we don't have, think we want, or
are convinced that we need. The Talmud teaches that
"one who has 200 wants 400." It is human nature to
always be searching for something more or better, and when
correctly applied, that drive will enhance our lives and the
world. But when the drive to acquire more takes
control where it should not, we end up feeling a sense of
deprivation, want, lack so profound that we cannot see the
good that is in front of our eyes. We see this in
people who eat continuously even though the hunger they
experience is not a physical one. So too, we often
think that if we achieve a particular goal or "get" a
particular thing, we will fill the void which resides
within.
A focus on gratitude is the antidote that the Torah
prescribes. In just a few weeks, we will sit at our
seder and sing "Dayenu", "it would have been enough".
For a very long time, I wondered how we could say these
particular words, let alone, sing this part of the seder
with such gusto. What do we mean that "had G-d split
the sea, but not led us out through dry land, it would have
been enough"? I am slowly coming to
realize that Dayenu has much to teach us. Perhaps we are
being reminded to live in the here and now and be grateful
for the good in every moment. Today we call this
"Mindfulness", a process which involves consciously
experiencing each moment as we live it and developing a
relaxed state of awareness that observes both our inner
world of thoughts, feelings and sensations, and the outer
world of constantly changing
phenomena. The goal is to simply experience the moment
without trying to control anything.
Every moment of life is a gift from G-d. Much
of the time, we are so busy worrying about the next moment
that this moment disappears having never been truly
experienced. Even a moment where one's back is against
the wall, the Egyptian army on one side, the Sea on the
other, and nowhere to go, is a moment where there is much to
be grateful for. If we focus on developing an attitude of
gratitude, by recognizing what is good in any given moment,
we will feel full and enriched, and in that moment have all
that we truly need. Dayenu reminds us to experience
each moment as it comes, to be thankful for all that is
good, within that moment, and let go of our worries about
what the next moment will bring.
Shabbat Shalom,
Lauren Shaps
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|
Email #11 –
Rabbi Simcha Bunem of Peshischa
(1765-1827) used to tell his disciples this story on the
High Holidays: Once, there was a king whose son rebelled
against him, and so was banished from his father's kingdom.
After a while, the king was moved to pity his son's fate,
and decided to send messengers to find him, and to grant him
anything he might wish. It took a long time, but finally one
of the royal messengers found the son, far from home. He was
at a village inn, dancing barefoot and in a torn shirt in
the midst of drunken peasants. The courtier bowed low and
said, "Your father, the king, has sent me to ask what you
desire. Whatever it may be, the king is prepared to grant
your wish. Hold nothing back, ask freely, for whatever
riches or honour or title you seek it shall be yours, for
that is the message of the king." The prince began to weep.
"I have forgotten what a prince might need. I have lived for
so long as a poor peasant, I ask only for some warm clothing
and a new pair of shoes." "See" said Rabbi Bunem, "that is
how we whine for the small things of the hour when the King
comes calling for us. We have forgotten that we are princes,
and we ask only for clothes and shoes."
We tend to be overly concerned about small things in life.
The problem is, that the bigger picture tends to get lost in
the shuffle. No person is perfect; but if we only focus on
the small negative things about our spouse/child/friend etc,
then we completely lose the bigger perspective of who the
person really is. Focus on the big picture, and don't let
the little things in life bother you.
This idea also applies when looking at the big picture of
world events. It is very difficult to see the full
significance of every event, yet we can look back many times
and see how small things, even ones we perceive as negative,
were an important ingredient to the "big picture".
This concept is alluded to in Parshat Ki Tavo where it
speaks about bringing the first fruits of the harvest to the
Temple in Jerusalem. There we make a declaration of
gratitude, saying: "An Aramite man tried to destroy my
father, and our nation endured slavery in Egypt." (This
section is also quoted in the Hagaddah)
Huh? An Aramite tried to destroy my father, we suffered in
Egypt - and this is supposed to be a declaration of
gratitude?!
The commentators explain: The Aramite is Laban, who deceived
our forefather Jacob by switching Rachel and Leah. (Jacob
had intended to marry Rachel, but Leah appeared under the
chuppah instead.) Now let's consider: If Laban never would
have pulled that stunt, then Jacob would have married Rachel
as he intended - and Joseph would have been the first-born
son. Thus when Jacob showed favoritism toward Joseph, the
other brothers would have likely not been jealous - and
Joseph never would have been sold into slavery.
Now here's the catch: Joseph would never have become
Egyptian prime minister who, years later, was in position to
save the Jewish people from famine. So, yes, even though
Laban the Aramite tried to destroy our forefather, we
express the gratitude, that somehow, some way, it was all
for the best.
So, lets not concern ourselves overmuch with the small
things, because its really the big picture that counts.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Avrami Gross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|
Email #13 –
Choose
a Mentor
This week's tool for Effective
Jewish Living is Choose a Mentor.
In Pirkei Avos, Shamai says "Make for yourself a teacher".
It is our responsibility to find and develop a relationship
with a teacher. This is not talking about someone who taught
you how to read in 1st grade or even your high school math
teacher. Shammai is speaking to adults and telling us that
as an adult each one of us needs to find someone who will be
our guide as to the understanding and application of what
the Torah is teaching us, and what G-d wants from us. A true
mentor is one who is your main source of guidance and
wisdom. This is a lifetime relationship that lasts forever.
Each one of us has the right to choose who we want our
mentor to be. It is not a decision to be made lightly and
requires some thought. It could be the Rabbi of your
synagogue, it could be the Rabbi of your Yeshiva or school,
or it could be a Rabbi that you have dealings with or have
specifically chosen to create a relationship with for this
purpose.
How do we go about choosing? A
mentor must be someone who you respect. Find out if this
person lives in a way that is consistent with what he
teaches and preaches. A mentor should be someone who has
more experience than us. A mentor should be someone who has
more knowledge. A mentor should also be someone who knows
us. As Rabbi Noach Weinberg Z"tl says "The key to a good
mentor is to develop strong trust and communication.
Criticism is difficult to swallow, but it's a less bitter
pill when it comes from someone you trust, someone who has
insight and wisdom, someone who you believe is only out for
your own good. Choose someone who understands you, and who
knows your background and family history."
One of the most important
aspects of having a mentor is that this is the one to whom
you ask your questions and whose answers you follow. In
Jewish Law, there are many issues that are not 100% clear
and therefore differences of opinion arise. Some are more
lenient and some are stricter. When one is faced with a
question as to what is the Halacha (Jewish Law) in a certain
situation, you are not supposed to shop around for a Rabbi
who will give you the answer you are looking to get. You ask
your own Rabbi, i.e. the one you have chosen as your Rabbi
for your guide. Sometimes your Rabbi will be lenient and
sometimes your Rabbi will be strict but you are being
consistent by following the same person's rulings.
As I write this, the second
Yahrtzeit of my Rebbe (teacher), Rabbi Henoch Leibowitz, has
just passed. Although he is no longer here to ask questions
to and to seek guidance from, his teachings live on and his
approach to understanding the Torah is carried on by his
many hundreds of students, many of them now leading Rabbis
in their own right. I can still ask a question to one of his
students and be confident that the answer I will get is
totally based on what he has taught them and the approach
that he passed on. This is known as a
Mesorah, a tradition handed down from
one generation to the next. It is this idea of Mesorah that
is the key to Jewish continuity from one generation to the
next.
At the Seder we have just
completed, our children ask the questions and we are
supposed to give the answers. We are fulfilling the same
idea. We are supposed to pass on the Mesorah, the tradition,
to the next generation as we received it from the previous
generation. If we were not fortunate enough to have a Jewish
education in our youth, it is not too late. The opportunity
for Jewish learning never ends and there are many potential
mentors out there to learn from.
Wishing you a Chag Sameach,
Rabbi Zischa Shaps
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Email #14 –
Tool #14 of our 18 Tools of
Effective Jewish Living is Pleasure- the Means not the End.
We
have just completed the holiday of Passover, which
hopefully contained a balance of both physical and
spiritual pleasures. We know that unlike other
faiths, where the denial of physical pleasure is
considered holy, in Jewish life, we strive to
elevate the physical and use it as a means through
which to achieve spiritual pleasure.
What exactly is spiritual pleasure and how is it
different from physical pleasure? Dr. Judith Mishell
and Dr. Shalom Srebrenik in their book,
Beyond
your Ego, explain three
basic differences between physical and spiritual
pleasure. First, spiritual pleasure is cumulative,
physical pleasure is not. If I am hungry, thinking
about my last meal, won't help me. It may in fact
make me hungrier, and once I enjoy that juicy steak
or ice cold beer, the pleasure is over. Spiritual
pleasures last forever. When I think back to a meal
that I made for a family going through a tough time,
or a dinner with family and friends, I feel really
good inside, and that wonderful feeling inspires me
to pursue that type of spiritual pleasure again and
again. Not only that. The steak that I ate gave me
pleasure alone, but the meal that I shared gave
others pleasure as well.
Second, sensitivity to spiritual pleasures
increases, while sensitivity to physical pleasures
decreases. Ice cream may taste amazing the first few
times I eat it, but a steady diet for three meals a
day (and dessert) would become repulsive. Drug
addicts need ever increasing quantities to achieve
the same high. With spiritual pleasure, if it is
truly a spiritual experience, it becomes
increasingly deep and fulfilling with every focused
repetition. If we don't feel that way, then perhaps
it is not truly a spiritual experience.
And third, as we grow older,
a focus on spiritual pleasures becomes a
greater and greater asset. Aging
is a liability for physical
pleasures. As our bodies weaken and age, if
our total concern was for physical pleasure, fewer
opportunities for pleasure remain. Our desire for
physical pleasures diminish and our spiritual
sensitivities can become deeper and more refined.
Certain pleasures such as love, family, creativity,
meaning, gaining wisdom and perspective are often
spiritual pleasures, pleasures of the soul. But
those are pleasures that need to be developed when
we are young and able.
Our Western society is focused on consuming
as many physical pleasures as is humanly possible
and yet for some strange reason people are probably
less satiated than ever before. We need to
reprioritize, to turn our attention to the
fulfillment of spiritual pleasures. Mitzvot give us
the tools and the structure to access those
pleasures. As David Zellers writes, "when we reach
above the clouds and see the world from a lofty
perspective, we are more whole and more self
aware. At such moments, we think, interact, and feel
more vividly and more alive than usual. We love and
accept and respect one another, have less inner
conflict and anxiety and are better focused on all
that we do." I would trade a steak dinner for that
any day of the week!
Wishing you a Shabbat Shalom - a day of physical and
spiritual pleasure,
Lauren
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Email #15 –
Tool # 15 of JET's 18 Tools of Effective Jewish
Living
Face the Pain
Often, the fear of pain is worse than the pain
itself. An inoculation takes all of one second, but
anticipation of the pain can last for hours beforehand.
Fear of pain is the greatest restriction there
is. If you're afraid of traveling, you'll never go
anywhere. If you're afraid of physical or emotional
exertion, you won't achieve, you won't grow, you won't
find truth. We all have a choice: Either pay now in the
pain of trying, or pay later in the emotional pain of
knowing you're too weak to try. For example: If you
don't apply for the job, you avoid the pain of refusal -
but you have the pain of being a quitter the rest of
your life. And that always comes back to haunt a person.
To help you confront tough situations, remember:
"Pain is passing, results are lasting." In fact, pain is
often just a threshold to cross into a world of
pleasure. A good example is the dentist. The drilling
and filling will take an hour, and the pain will subside
in two. But the filling will prevent further decay, and
give you eating enjoyment for years to come.
Fundamental to facing pain, is understanding the
purpose of it. An adult can handle the pain of the
injection more than a child can, because he understands
the purpose of this minor pain is to protect him from
even greater suffering.
There is also suffering that exists to build
character. This is best illustrated in the following
story:
A group of women were attending a Torah study
class. They learned the saying from the prophet MALACHI
(3:3) : "HE WILL SIT AS A REFINER AND PURIFIER OF
SILVER."
This verse puzzled the women and they wondered
what this statement meant about the character and nature
of God. One of the women offered to find out the
process of refining silver and report back to the group.
She called a silversmith and made an appointment to
watch him at work. As she watched the silversmith, he
held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up.
He explained that in refining silver, one needed to
hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the
flames were hottest in order to burn away all the
impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in
such a hot spot, and then she thought again about the
verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of
silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that
he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time
the silver was being refined.
The man answered that "yes", he not only had to
sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his
eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire.
If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames,
it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a
moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you
know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at
her and answered, "Oh, that's easy - when I see my image
in it."
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire,
remember that God has His eye on you and will keep
watching you until He sees His image in you.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Avrami Gross
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Email #16 –
PROTECT WHAT IS PRECIOUS
There are many
fascinating lessons a person can learn on a New York
City subway.
Besides the ability to leap four stairs
in a single bound in order to get on the platform and
catch the train, there are all sorts of life lessons as
well.
For example have you ever noticed the commuter
who is obviously late and continually stands on the edge
in order to look down the tunnel to see if the train is
coming.
How careless can a person be?
Are they waiting for G-d forbid
to be an accident?
While this is obviously not a healthy
practice, could we apply this same principle to other
aspects of our lives?
The
Talmud in Tractate Sotah states that the person does not
transgress unless it enters into him a foolish spirit.
Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz asks that
if this is the only way a person will transgress then
why is anyone held responsible for when they do wrong?
It would be comparable to a
person standing near a pit and something accidentally
pushes him in.
He surely would not be held responsible
for falling into the pit.
Reb Chaim answers that granted maybe a person can be
absolved from the transgression itself, however; a
person still carries the responsibility for placing
themselves in a position that the foolish spirit had the
opportunity to act upon him. It would be comparable to
the person standing next to the pit.
Granted that what caused him to
fall in was not of his own doing, however; the fact that
he was standing near the pit in the first place was
caused by his own actions.
There are so
many things in life that are very precious to us and yet
we will stand near the edge of the platform without
thinking about the possibilities of what we are doing.
Whether it be our relationships,
health or values, may we always protect what is precious
to us by not even coming close to the edge.
Have a Good Shabbos!
Rabbi Dovid Burger
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Email #17 –
Navigating Social Pressure
Pressure? What pressure?
We live in a society filled with social pressure. This is
true in both the Jewish world and the non-Jewish world.
There is pressure upon us from the non-Jewish world to have
certain values and to see things a certain way and there are
other pressures on us within our own Jewish world to act or
behave in a certain way.
The Rambam (Maimonides) states "a
person's nature is to be influenced in his opinions and his
actions by his friends and companions. Therefore, man must
dwell amongst righteous and wise individuals so that he may
learn from their actions and distance himself from the
wicked who walk in the ways of darkness so that he not learn
from their ways..." In short, the Rambam teaches that a
person must be very careful regarding the company he keeps.
Ultimately, a person will become who his neighbors and
friends are.
This idea is expressed in a Mishnah in Pirkei Avos.
Rabban Yochanan Ben Zakkai asks his students "what is the
proper path that a person should cling to"? Rabbi Yose
responded; a good neighbour. He asked the same question in
the reverse; What is the evil path that one should stay away
from and Rabbi Yose's answer was a bad or evil neighbour. We
are all influenced by our surroundings for both positive and
negative. If we surround ourselves with neighbours and
friends who have good values this will rub off on us as
well. With all of the modern technology we have today, the
influence of neighbours goes far beyond those who live near
us. Through the media via television and the internet we are
connected for better or for worse to the entire world.
If we stop and think about it, there are so many
things that we do and think because of the effect that
society has on us. We wear certain clothes because they are
"in fashion". We have certain values because the media tells
us that this is politically correct. We even have accepted
certain views as being Jewish when in fact they are based in
other religions and are not the Jewish view at all. How do
we maintain our identity and values in the face of outside
pressure? We are here today as Jews because our ancestors
were able to withstand tremendous pressures and maintain
their Jewish identity and Jewish values.
At the root
of why we are so affected by other people's views and
opinions, is a human need for approval and acceptance. We
are so interested in being accepted that we will conform to
the ways of others even when our first reaction is that it
is wrong. Studies have shown that people will say something
that is obviously not true. For example, 20 people are in a
room and 19 of the participants are "in" on the study and
they are told to answer a question in a patently false way
(e.g. - the orange is blue). Invariably, the 20th person,
who is the actual subject of the study, when asked to answer
the same question, answers it in a way that is absurd, just
to make his answer correspond with everyone else's answer.
So profound is the influence of society that something can
be black and white and a person will change his response
just to conform to everyone else. The problem is that if
this would continue, the person would actually believe that
black is white and white is black. Unfortunately we have
seen this in so many ways both historically and in our own
world of today.
This is why the Rambam counsels
us to dwell amongst the righteous and to seek counsel
amongst the wise. We must be particularly careful who our
friends are and we must be even more particularly careful
about who our children's friends are. Adults are somewhat
less susceptible to the pressures of society, but for
children -- especially teenagers and adolescents - the
influence of their environment is all that counts.
In the face of enormous societal
pressure we look to the Torah for our source of truth and
values. With an understanding of the Torah's message and a
circle of friends and neighbours who are positive influences
we will be able to stay strong and maintain our Jewish
identity and Jewish values.
Good Shabbos,
Rabbi Zischa Shaps
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Email #18 –
The 18th
and final tool is Be There for Others.
This has been a very exciting
time for each one of us as individuals and for our
community as a whole. When we originally talked
about working together to complete 18,000 hours of Torah
study, I thought that we had set an unreachable
goal. Yet last week at Jewish Unity Live over 300
people came out to celebrate almost 25,000 hours of
Torah study here in Ottawa.
Torah is the foundation of
all that Judaism has to offer. The wonderful
Jewish values of family, community, generosity, concern
for others come from our Torah. When we dedicate
time to learn we internalize those values, we fill
ourselves up with the timeless wisdom and deep meaning
of Jewish life and that spills over into our ability to
be there for others.
The Torah teaches that we
should be there for others in good times and challenging
ones. We should join the simcha of a wedding and
the sorrow of a shiva house. But to truly be
there for others, we must see each person as a complex
human being and try to understand how to be there for
them in a way that is truly meaningful.
One of my favourite
stories is of a woman who came to see the Brisker Rav
before Pesach. She asked the Rabbi an
interesting question: if she could not afford to
buy wine for the seder, could she fulfill the mitzvah by
drinking milk? He responded by giving her a
large sum of money. His students questioned the
fact that he gave her much more money than what she
would need to buy wine. His response was that it
was obvious from the fact that she wanted to use milk at
her seder that she didn't have meat or chicken either.
His sensitivity to others gave him insight into what she
truly needed. By understanding her needs, he could
be there for her.
With this e-mail, we will
conclude our citywide learning campaign on the 18 tools
of highly effective Jewish living. By focusing our
attention on each of these tools we will, over time,
develop the sensitivity and understanding to truly be
there for others.
Our thanks to all of our
readers for being there for us. Your interest,
your comments, and your compliments are greatly
appreciated. When our Jewish community dialogues,
discusses, and debates these important lessons, we bring
ourselves closer to the Messianic era when we will have
true Jewish unity, a unity evident in our ability to
truly be there for each other.
Wishing you a great week,
Lauren Shaps
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